Posted by: emilyrfarrell | December 31, 2012

New Years Realities

This past year was a biggun for me. I graduated from college. I got my first big girl job. I have an apartment, roommates, and rent. I have a car payment and as of this month: the dreaded student loans. Yet here I am, at 11:00, the last hour of 2012, thinking about all of the failures. All of the things I put aside, decided were not important, and now seem overwhelmingly important. So I’m faced with a choice. This new year I can make the sames decisions that got me here, alone in my little sisters bedroom on New Years Eve, or I can make the choice to focus on the victories. This year, I am not making resolutions, but I am excepting realities.

Its Not Going to Be Easy

I can put off everything, ignore the necessities and do whatever I feel like. Its easy when you live alone with very few consequences. I can very easily take the easy way out. But I have seen what that has gotten me. If I work just a little harder and put just a little more effort into everything I do, it will pay off ten fold. For me, for my students, and for my friends and family. Its an extra five minutes cleaning. Its staying up a little longer to finish a lesson plan. Its doing my laundry once a week instead of 3 loads every three weeks. Simple changes that are not easy, but necessary in order to get where I want to go.

Not Everyone Will Notice

I cannot expect everyone to praise me for what I am doing. Especially if I’m doing the minimum required. I need to appreciate the work I do for me and not expect everyone else to take the time to praise me and keep me going. I’ve always needed the approval of others to make me feel good. I have a difficult time doing things for myself. I’m not going to overanalyze why. So its going to be an important task to begin doing things for me, and no one else, without being selfish of course.

Life Goes On

If I make a mistake, no matter how small, I break down. I let bigger things go because I already messed up once, so there is no point in changing. Small problems seem huge and then all of the sudden big problems are no longer a big deal. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else but I’m going to go with it. I need to except that I am a human, and that means that I am bound to screw it up sooner or later. Probably sooner. The important thing for me to remember in situations like that is that the next day I will have to make the same decisions, and I can make them right this time around. I realize this paragraph was muddled, but I get it, so I’m going to keep it.

I am Loved.

There is no way around it. And sadly, this is the hardest reality for me to accept completely. There is always something in my life that makes me feel unworthy of anything, let alone love. But there is absolutely nothing I can do that will keep God from loving me. And once I can believe that, I can strive to deserve it more. I can know that I am loved and use that as a motivation to become a better person. So 2013, get ready. I am firmly planted on the rock that is God’s love for me and I am going to face every reality head on. If anyone else is struggling, or if you just feel like helping me out in this endeavor, please e-mail, text, call, facebook, tweet, etc. me. We can all use a hand. Happy New Year!

 

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